Independence Day

It's not always easy but it's worth it. Independence always is.

My creativity was zapped the last 8 months - I felt like I didn’t have anything to say. That changed last week and now I have a lot to say. I have a lot to be proud of.

My hope is that you feel something while reading these words. I felt something as I wrote them. I feel present again.

The below are two separate journal entries: one from July 4th 2025 and the other from July 5th 2025. Enjoy <3

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This is my Independence Day. I’m celebrating myself and honoring myself. It’s raw, it’s fresh, it’s not easy but it’s worth it. Independence always is.

I’m here on my roof with families, couples, and the sounds of fireworks clashing with house music. I’m here on my roof with myself. I wonder if she’s watching the same fireworks that I am right now.

Watching.

Watching all the sweet couples holding each other is so hard right now. But these fireworks are romantic AF so I get it; no resentment here, I promise!

How grateful am I to have loved and lost then to not have loved at all? I used to think those words were just a song lyric or a movie line but no, they’re actually symbolic of a perspective I’m now coming to terms with. Coming out of my divorce, I wasn’t sure how/if/when I’d ever love again but damn did it feel good to fall in love again.

I have some thoughts if you’ll entertain me for a moment…

*gets on soapbox*

*clears throat*

I think heartbreak is something we often fear but I think it’s something we should embrace. 
The lessons that we learn from heartbreak give us our blueprint for self-fulfillment.
But here's the catch...
Our blueprint can only be revealed by experiencing heartbreak. 
So if you’re afraid of letting yourself fall in love, do it. 
Don’t just fall - fall hard. 
Don’t just love - love hard. 
Don’t apologize for it. 
Your future self will thank you for such a detailed blueprint.

*gets off soapbox*

Tomorrow a new chapter begins. Happy Independence Day to me.

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It’s just me and the Domino Park sunset again. Me, my journal, a LOT of people as it’s a Saturday night on July 4th weekend. The Yankees lost to the Mets again so everyone is feeling something. There’s a buzz in the air.

To my left, a European couple cuddles. They look like their nervous systems are one in the same. Entrenched in each other as Akon’s, “I Wanna F*ck You” plays on a speaker directly behind me. The song changes to Sexyy Red’s, “SkeeYee” and so the girl to my right chuckles as she eats her fast-casual, hearty, salad bowl. It’s fascinating what decisions we make just to feel clean inside.

Tourists line up in front of me to capture pictures of themselves in front of the sun setting over the East Village. I wish I could tell them that the view looks better without a lens. I wish I could tell them that I know I’m lucky that this view is my constant. I wish I could tell them that this is indeed, as good as it gets. I wish I could tell them that that’s a good thing. Stop searching; this is it - enjoy it.

Everyone knows it’s hard to date in NYC because of all the people; the possibilities are endlessly overwhelming. But what if we flip that perspective on its head and try looking at it in a different way?

Perhaps being single in NYC is actually addicting because at the end of the day, you’re never actually as alone as you think you are.

“Cheerleader” by Omi comes on and reminds me of my days working in radio. I’ve lived a lot of lives haven’t I? How amazing and rich and interesting has my life already been and I’m only 32?! In writing this, I’m realizing that I’ve never actually been alone because I’ve always had me. And in Domino Park on this warm, Saturday night, it’s not just me joining me. There are people everywhere with their own joys, concerns, anxieties, and pockets of bliss.

There are so many sweet couples and I as see them walk by, I wonder how in love they are. Are they each other’s best friend? How often do they bicker? Have either of them lost themselves? Are they currently lost and haven’t realized it yet? Do they know this is their forever person? Or do they just want them to be so bad that they’re convincing themselves whenever they’re apart? Am I projecting here? I think I’m projecting here.

Why did I not do exactly this in my last relationship? I absolutely LOVE this place. I LOVE living in Brooklyn. Watching the sunset at Domino Park over the city feels magical. I feel romantic. Not the lovey-dovey type of romantic either, but the life-is-amazing romantic.

I feel like me again and as the clarity from my last relationship drips into my conscious awareness like a faucet that’s not turned off all the way, I remind myself there’s no rush.

I feel like me again. Wait no scratch that. I feel like me. I’m different now. Deeper, wiser, happier, more grateful, and more fulfilled than the last time I was single and watching the sunset.

Excited to fall in love again with a girl some day.

Excited to fall in love again with myself right now.