Sorry, is that too much?

In a world full of hot takes, quick solves, and life hacks, I’m simply finding it difficult to navigate the shallow end of society’s swimming pool.

Aug 03, 2025

Don Draper (Jon Hamm) once said, “I hate to break it to you but there is no big lie. There is no system. The universe is indifferent.” He said it in context to a 1960s hippie who was criticizing him about his role in advancing American capitalism by working in advertising. The hippie had a good point and his frustrations were valid; and yet, the way Don answered so boldly, with such discernment, always stuck with me.

“The universe is indifferent.” It’s a line that accumulates more meaning as I grow older and wiser. The world around us serves as a canvas for us to project meaning onto. We make meaning of it. Birds chirp, dogs bark, leaves fall, eggs hatch, rain falls, sun burns, you get the point. And yet, we, as humans, are the ones who assign meaning to these surroundings to maintain some semblance of control, order, or safety. It’s this perspective that I tend to forget.

I pretend that I’m not this deep, emotional man. Sometimes, I just want to fit into the world around me. I go to bars and feel so intimidated by the handsome guys who are so quick-witted, smooth, and easygoing. How are they able to float around so lightly? Only taking up as much physical space as their backwards hat or perfectly groomed mustache. They seem less intentional and yet more intentioned. They make it look so natural. I stand there and judge them, which ironically is the one thing I’m afraid that they’re doing to me. What goes out, comes back in.

Conversations around me seem so top-level and casual. People cling to their glasses that hold their illusioned sense of courage as they let the bitterness trickle down their throats, only to re-emerge back out of their mouths soaked in braggadocio. They discuss their favorite restaurants, tv shows, bands, and work achievements. Meanwhile, I stand there with my eyes wide, wondering about each human on a level that’s way too deep for the given environment.

Did they have a tough childhood or a smooth one? And if it was smooth, was it really smooth or did their family just sweep any potential negativity under the rug to avoid admitting faults? Were they bullied in grade school for simply trying to exist? Are they using their career as a way to suppress their trauma? Do they realize they’ve experienced trauma? Are they fully awake, aware, and present right now?

Have they ever fallen in love before? Do they still miss their ex or do they only miss the feeling of being loved, admired, and comforted? Are they obsessed with attachment styles and if so, which do they relate most to? Do they get inundated on social media by clips of Mel Robbins and Jay Shetty? Do they also wish they could just take a break from constantly working on themselves? Okay yes, “Let Them” but what do we do with ourselves once we let them?

Dating in 2025 is a weird sort of charade that only the luckiest of us are privileged enough to partake in. Attempting to hook humans like fish with witty one-liners over an app in hopes that we’ll stand out amongst the hundreds of humans that have previously casted their digital lines. Craving depth and curiosity, I’m met with dread and hesitation.

Your biggest fear is ketchup? Sick. Mine is feeling unseen, unheard, and unaccepted for simply being me.

You fight the Sunday Scaries by drinking martinis and watching Bravo shows? Nice! I spend my Sundays trying to make sure I don’t lose myself in my next relationship.

Together, we could leave places early? Wait, your unusual skill is Irish Exiting? Are we so afraid of intimacy that we’re looking to go back to our shoebox apartments as soon as we step outside of them? Whatever happened to experiencing our surroundings? Whatever happened to noticing the little things? I believe that the littlest things are actually the biggest things.

You want to order a man who is masculine, charming, always planning things, who can cook, clean, communicate clearly, and knows how to be a good lover in bed but be smart enough to not divulge how he knows? Heard! Chef, fire up one perfect man!

You love croissants and long runs? Me too! What do you think about when you’re eating your favorite croissant? I like to think about how the pasty chef started making them while I was fast asleep and how rare it is these days to imagine someone with such consistent commitment to their craft. Do you pump yourself up on your long runs with self-help podcasts, audiobooks, or EDM mixes? Or do you dare try and run 15 miles with no headphones and just exist with your thoughts? Did I ever tell you about the time I ran my longest run ever on the side of a highway in rural Pennsylvania on a brutally, painful morning as I realized I was about to get divorced? Sorry, is that too much?

Every simple pleasure is some combination of traveling, exercising, sipping, and watching. My simple pleasure is existing as a complex, messy human on this spinning rock.

Please don’t mistake my friction-filled words above for resentment, anger, or even disappointment.

In a world full of hot takes, quick solves, and life hacks, I’m simply finding it difficult to navigate the shallow end of society’s swimming pool. The great irony is that we love to quiet the depths of our human experience because we’re terrified of our own truths. And so we set up in the shallow ends, secretly hoping we never have to experience life without both of our feet firmly planted on the concrete bottom. We set out to seek some semblance of control and yet, deep down, we know that control is nothing but an illusion. Did you forget that perspective? Don’t worry, I tend to forget it as well…

The universe is indifferent. Remember?

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